I bought into the "natural parenting" trend pretty early on in my parenting journey. I knew nothing about parenting trends or choices when I got pregnant. So I did what any 20 something year old would do in this decade; I went to the internet. It didn't happen all at once. It crept into my brain little by little. Everyday I would read countless blog posts and articles from these "crunchy" moms. Eventually, I decided I wanted a natural birth because I read that it was better for the baby (who needs actual evidence--clearly not me at this time). When I would read an article about natural birth, it would lead me down a rabbit hole to other "natural" topics such as the benefits of breastfeeding and babywearing.
Now let me say something before I go on. All of the choices I have mentioned so far are not "wrong" by any means. Just because someone makes these choices doesn't make them a "woo filled person." I actually plan to try to do everything I have mentioned so far with my next child. The problem begins when a person makes these decisions with a feeling of superiority. When a mother begins to look down on others because they got an epidural, chose to bottle feed or simply didn't want to baby wear, is when it becomes a problem.
Another problem within the natural parenting community (NPC) is that they convince you that you are less of a person/mother because you didn't meet their expectations in one way or another. Let me give you an example. When I posted my birth story, I mentioned several times that I felt like I failed and that I was disappointed in myself because I "let" them do interventions on me and I "agreed" to a C-Section. Do you know why I felt that way? It's because I was being fed bullshit from the NPC that birth is natural and a woman's body "knows what to do" and so on and so on. I was convinced that if I didn't deliver my child from my vagina, that I was less of a woman. I believed this for SIX MONTHS. I was told to be ashamed of my csection. I didn't really feel that way though. I convinced myself that it was "unnecessary." The reality was that deep down, I didn't care that I had a csection, I was actually relived that it was an available option. I couldn't admit that though because then I would have to feel less superior. See, in the NPC, it is ok to have a csection---as long as you regret it. If you don't regret it, you are harassed and told that you are being lied to by the doctors and that you probably could have had a natural birth if you tried harder. I have seen these comments from real women! People really do say this stuff.
So lets fast forward to after my son's birth. We were starting our breastfeeding relationship and had encountered some issues. I found a few local natural parenting groups on Facebook so of course I joined. This is where I really start to fall deep into the woo. People posted all types of bullshit that lacked scientific evidence (essential oils, colloidal silver, dietary restrictions, etc.) Long story short, I read and I believed. It didn't take much. As I started to believe all these things, my ego was growing. I felt empowered. I felt like I was doing things better than everyone else who was doing something different or "mainstream". Basically, I was an asshole. One area that I was particularly an asshole about was nursing. I quickly turned into a "breastfeeding warrior" and made sure everyone knew "breast was best." I made so many posts on my wall about how breastfeeding was superior. I noticed people were deleting me and I shrugged it off thinking that they were just insecure with their choices.
The next thing was the chiropractor. Everyone told me my son was fussy because he needed an adjustment. My husband had been tolerant of my views up until this point because I wasn't doing anything that could negatively impact our son. My husband and I argued about taking our son to the chiro for weeks. We were both frustrated with each other. He is in the healthcare field and has much more knowledge than I (or my internet friends) on how the human body functions.But I chose to ignore his education and qualifications and listen to google instead. He finally gave in. This is where it gets kind of scary for me. The chiro I went to did neck adjustments on me. Luckily, she didn't do much to my son except some head squeezing (also known as craniosacral therapy). Neck adjustments (cracking) are very dangerous. People have died because of them. Luckily, I stopped going about 2 months later because I noticed nothing was changing in either myself or my son.
Eventually, I made my way to the topic of vaccines. I was knee deep in all of the anti vaccine propaganda. We put him on a delayed schedule because it was a "middle ground" for my husband and I. I got deeper and deeper into the anti vax world. I tried to convince my husband that we should stop vaccinations all together. My husband was becoming very frustrated with me at this point. He was convinced I was crazy. I had such high anxiety from all the blogs I was reading about how dangerous vaccines were but didn't even think to look at the other side from a neutral perspective. This went on for months. Fortunately, my son never got sick and we never completely stopped the shots.
The end came when a friend started talking to me about vaccines and the evidence behind them. She also spoke to me about my birth and how I shouldn't feel ashamed. I think what really got me out of the woo was finding a community of people on facebook who valued evidence. I started reading the information they shared and began questioning my previous notions. I also realized how stupid I looked. Needless to say, my husband was very happy that I found my way out.
The internet got me into woo and it took the internet to get me away from it. My son is all caught up on his vaccinations and we will not delay the shots with our future children.
I want the women who buy into the NPC standards to step back and really evaluate their beliefs and where they come from. I used to be just like them. I didn't want to look at the other side because I didn't want to be told I was wrong. I wanted to feel better about myself for making "different" choices. I want them to ask themselves "what does the evidence say?" I want them to look beyond the biased blogs and articles they read and really evaluate where their beliefs are coming from. It is possible to parent with out guilt! I am now woo free and happy to say that I LOVE SCIENCE.
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